Escaflowne at the Oscars
by Tiggy of the Wind
Summary: This is my first fic. Please R&R. There is some slight swearing but not too bad.


Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne, the Academy Awards, Steve Martin, Russell Crowe, Gladiator, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, or if any of the names I used belong to people in a film I don't own them, nor do I own the food products I mention in my thoughts. Please don't sue me I don't own anything, I don't even own this computer! The only things I do own are (hmm, gotta think about that one).  
  
Thoughts: Just to inform you I have no clue what I was on when I wrote this(I think it was some sort of pop…I think it was Pepsi, and I was eating some chips, I wonder where I got this sugar high from?) I also did a lot of this fic in science, civics, math, and Spanish. Isn't it great to know what I do in class all day! I would like to thank my friends for their contributions. If your still reading this on to the story.  
  
Kana walks onto the stage, "Hello everyone welcome to tonight's   
show, Unfortunately Steve Martin had a small accident backstage,   
(crashes and thuds are heard backstage as well as the occasional   
scream) so tonight's show will be hosted by the cast of Escaflowne   
and me Kana. Now lets meet our first presenters, Hitomi Kanzaki,   
and Millerna Aston…Huh? This can't be right these two people hate   
each oth(is interrupted by someone backstage) alright, alright. I'm   
going. Geez have a cow(Kana mutters as she walks to her seat which   
is in between Chesta's and Dallet's) Millerna and Hitomi walk onstage.   
Millerna is wearing her usual outfit and Hitomi is wearing the dress   
that Millerna gave her. (Boos are heard from Kana and the   
dragonslayers) Millerna and Hitomi wait for the boos to quiet down.   
"Tonight we are presenting the award for best use of puffy sleeves in a film" (Hitomi looks at Millerna strangely then shrugs and starts to read   
her part) "The nominees are Russell Crowe for gladiator…he doesn't   
even have sleeves in that film! Li Chi for Crouching Tiger Hidden   
Dragon. And Allen Schezar…What! What is he doing in this awards   
show! (talks to the person backstage)*rolling eyes* Just because he's   
man enough to wear that outfit" Millerna interrupts Hitomi "And the   
winner is …."(struggles for about three trying to get the envelope open   
but fails) Kana runs onstage opens the card "The winner is Allen   
Schezar!!" Allen jumps into the aisle, runs onto the stage hugs   
Millerna, kisses Hitomi, tries to kiss Kana but she kicks him in the shin   
and dives offstage. Allen pouts in her direction "No woman has ever   
refused my advances" (the entire female/gay audience excluding Kana   
faint, the rest of the straight males laugh hysterically at his outfit) "This   
is it, the things I wear for you people!" Allen grabs the Oscar then storms off the stage pausing to pout at Kana who just sticks out her   
tongue at him and snuggles closer to Dallet and Chesta. He storms   
back to his seat (which happens to be right behind Kana's) Someone   
from backstage pushes Gaddes out onto the floor "But I don't wanna   
go!!" Person from backstage "You don't have a choice know get your   
scrawny butt over to the podium and present that award!!"  
Gaddes "Geez, like have cow" Kana "Hey that's my line" Gaddes "Why   
don't you go cry about it!" Kana "Maybe I will!" Gaddes walks over to   
the podium and starts to read the teleprompter. "The next award   
category is best fight scene in a film, the nominees are…ooohhh big   
surprise, Russell Crowe for gladiator, Chi Mi Changa for crouching   
tiger hidden dragon…another shocker…and our last nominee is Allen Schezar!! He's not in any movies! He's not even from this planet! Oh   
well we might as well se who won, at least we know who didn't…and   
the Oscar goes to…What this can't be right…the winner is *sighs*   
Allen Schezar" Allen looking very surprised runs onto the stage   
dragging a very confused Jezabel with him, stops in front of the   
podium tries to kiss Gaddes but Gaddes had anticipated what Allen   
was going to do and was already backstage. Allen shrugs then starts   
kissing Jezabel. (hey that's why he pulled her randomly from the   
audience) "Get off me you jerk I have a boyfriend!" Miguel barges   
onstage "Get away from my girlfriend you gay bastard" he punches   
Allen so hard that he flies trough the air and lands on Kana's lap "Get   
off me you pervert!!" she screamed. Chesta and Dallet then proceed   
to hit Allen so he once again flies through the air. Van watching from   
backstage "I didn't know Allen could fly" Allen plummeted back to   
earth and landed head first into his seat. "Don't forget your award"   
Miguel yelled as he chucked the Oscar at Allen's face…err…Allen's   
butt. (crowd cheers) Kana goes back onstage and talks to Jezabel.   
"Do you want to help me introduce our next presenters?" Jezabel   
"Okay, one of our next presenters is the one the only the king of   
Fanelia Van Fanel!" he walks on to the stage waving shyly. Kana "The   
only one my butt, who needs him when you can have our other   
presenter (dun dun) He's crazy, he's psycho, he's a pyro, not to   
mention the white hair red eyes! (drum roll starts) Dilandau Ablauto (I   
don't think I spelled that right)" Dilly (I'm just going to call him Dilly from know on because its easier to type) walks onto the stage and walks to the podium waving and strutting like a turkey, until he sees Van. "Vvvvvvaaaaaaaannnnnnn. You damaged my beautiful face!" Van "Where?" "Right here under this makeup!" he scrapes off the layers of makeup to reveal (dun dun dun) absolutely nothing. Van "Where I don't see anything" Dilly "Oops wrong side" scrapes off the other side to reveal the scar. (dun dun dun) Van "Oh right that scar. (pauses) The next award is…" Hitomi runs onstage, "Vvvvvvaaaaaannnnnn, beside you" Van looks at Dilly then looks at Hitomi "What are you a frikkenn Einstein?" Van remarked sarcastically. "Well excuse me mister I'm to cool to listen to Hitomi" Hitomi says even more sarcastically. "I shouldn't even tell you that Dilandau is about to torch your hair." Van "He's what?!" turns around to see Dilly grinning sheepishly and trying to hide a SpaceBalls flamethrower behind his back. (Remember, SpaceBalls, Bill Pullman, Rick Moranis. Aww forget it) Dilly, "Lets get on with the award" Van "Alright, our next award is the cleanest underwear award." (Thank you Billy Billy Billy Bob Joe for your idea) Dilly, "The nominees are, Russell Crowe for Gladiator…Ching Ching Chow for crouching tiger hidden dragon…and (sighs while cradling his flamethrower) Allen Schezar." Van, "And the winner is…why am I even opening the envelope…Allen Schezar" Van and Dilly, "Yah" wave little flags unenthusiastically. (that is one long word!!) Allen presses a button on his chair and Kana is catapulted into the air. "Oops, wrong button" Allen grins, runs onto the stage and waits for Kana to come down. "Aaaaaaahhhhhh" Kana comes down. Allen holds out his arms, closes his eyes and grins waiting for her to land in his arms…waits…and waits…and waits…opens his eyes to see that Kana has already landed…on top of Dilly. Dilly, "Get off my you cow, somebody needs to go on a diet!" Kana, "Jerk that's the last time I ever put you in any of my fics!" Dilly, "But *stutters* but you put Allen in your fics and you hate him!" Kana, "The only reason he's in any of my fics is because its fun to make fun of him." Mr. Blank joins in the argument, "Yeah sure, you just have him in your fics because you love him!!" Kana "I do not!!" Mr. Blank "You know you do!!" Allen, "She does!" Kana, "That's it!" pulls out a typewriter and starts typing. "Say hello to gay Mr. Blank." Everybody in audience, "Hello Gay Mr. Blank" (Sorry couldn't help myself) Mr. Blank, "Oooooohhhhhhhh Aaaaallllllleeeeeennnnnn!!! I love you!!" Allen *sweatdrop* "Nnnnnnooooooo!!!!!!" grabs the oscar and runs off the stage and out the door, runs back in yanks Kana off of Dilly then puts himself between her and Mr. Blank. "Its my duty as a knight, no as a man to protect you" Kana looks at him, "You're the one who needs the protection." Allen, "Huh? Why?" Kana, "That's why" points at Mr. Blank who was about to pounce on Allen. Mr. Blank, "You are sssssooooo shezat Allen Schezar. (Thank you for the word Mr. Blank. He he shezat he he)" Mr. Blank jumps on top of Allen and tries to kiss Allen on the lips but Allen is to tall…(I'm not going to finish that sentence, so use your imagination…PS its only sick if you make it sick) Allen says to Kana, "Screw you, I'm getting out of here!" he runs off followed closely by Mr. Blank. Kana, "Hey Dilly would you do me a favor? (no responce) Dilly!…Dilly!!…DILLY!!!"  
  
*What is the favor Kana is going to ask of Dilly?* *Will the digi destined ever find out who the digital emporer is? Tune in next time for digimon digital mon…(sorry got carried away((hehehe))* Me and my friends are going to make a esca-digimon any ideas? Well please read and review.   



End file.
